Not So Zen. Just the Mundane Everyday Life.

After having it on my checklist for four consecutive days, I finally made it to the gym and checked it off the list! And my, 40 minutes on the treadmill makes such a difference! I never really used to opt for long slow burn; my cardio workouts usually don’t exceed 20 minutes, but now that I’ve tried running at a medium speed for a longer duration, I actually like it. Feels like it does a good job warming me up in the freezing cold and toning the overall body shape and wouldn’t give me any shin pain! Except I gotta do it more often. According to this month’s stats, I went running at the gym TWICE. Way to be a role model (not)!

My morning started pretty crappily. After I’d gotten ready to leave, I tried to make tea in my supposedly “heat-resistant” plastic bottle to go, but then it cracked! It’s a friggin expensive water bottle and the staff at the store assured me it’s made of the best plastic in the world. And I can’t even make tea in it? But I didn’t really have time to be mad or do anything about the mess; I ran outta the door, all through the smelly alleys and fruit stalls, so I can catch the train on time. I ran again when I got off the train, to the office building, shortening the travel time from the regular 6 minutes to 3, mostly because my boss thinks I’m late every day while I am well on time. Makes me wonder if our watches read differently. But I actually think the metro-station-to-office sprint gives me a great workout and plan to make it a morning routine.

When I sat down at my desk my day started getting better. Not that my work was any more fun today, but I somehow completely withdrew the mind from the annoyed thoughts and put it at total ease. The fact it’s Friday tomorrow made me feel even greater. I guess the only way time would go by faster is to forget there ever is time.

In other news, I’ve found something better to do on the morning and evening commutes – read! So I can shut myself out from the annoying announcements, or people talking in absurdly high volume.

One may think living in China makes it practically hard to be grateful; being pushed and shoved every day, having to yell in exchange for barely-acceptable customer service, and bearing the danger of getting hit every time you cross a road give you all the reasons to complain and whine. But the fact you get to see so many different lives here sometimes goes to remind you just how lucky you are in ways you have always taken for granted. I’m grateful for the simplest yet most valuable things I have in life. The passion to pursue what feeds the soul, the will to work hard, the desire to learn, the few great friends that would ride the wildest adventures with me, and the heart to love and forgive.

Happy weekend and until I hunt for my winter gears, ciao!

Give Me A Moment of Silence and Save Me.

Only a month ago, I still had a lot to say about the world, despite the lack of inspirational ideas. But right now, I feel as if I’m slowly getting to a point where thoughts don’t register in verbal forms anymore. Perhaps not such a bad thing, because they never absolutely have to be?

I wake up to a colder Shanghai morning each day, spend most of my waking hours being a faceless office worker until I watch the sun set at my desk. Then I drag my worn-out body home, and collapse in bed. Or on very rare occasions, hit the gym for some cardio.

The constant sound of cars honking and people yelling is slowly disappearing, not because I’ve found peace within, but that my ears have learned to consider it normal. I have come to think that the only key to survival in this city is being forgetful. If I can just forget what I’ve done for the day, or the week, what’s happened at my job, who said what, and how I felt as if it were just a dream, I can almost guarantee myself a good night of sleep. It’s like letting go of the unpleasant past memories, only that it’s not a choice, but a necessity.

I’ve never felt so worn-out in a long time. It’s like I have to constantly catch my breath just to keep running, towards a finish line that does not exist. I know that’s no reason to complain, because I’m the one who decided to give up an easy life so I can die more drastically than out of boredom.

In the short period of four months, all my baby fat went away. In return, dark circles appeared under my eyes, which I waited every day and night for them to disappear, before realizing they were here to stay. I lost a lot of weight but feel bad about my shape and health in general. I got over and learned to accept things, people, and situations without much effort, but not quite so sure if I’m putting time and emotions to better use. I’ve almost eliminated unnecessary worries and contemplations, along with silliness, day dreaming and appreciation for the smallest things in life.

Time does fly. Yet when you watch it closely it doesn’t seem to be moving at all.

October started with a one-week, and much-needed holiday, during which I breathed, tried seeking out the zen-spots in Shanghai, made food, and slept all the sleep I’d been lacking. But before I could start planning anything, it was over. And every weekend that followed didn’t feel like it was ever there.

I failed at achieving my exercise goals, even shopping goals(!), and am still working on the same Chopin piece I had started back in July.

Nevertheless, as I sit at my office desk clicking through the calendar ten times a day trying make time go faster, the only question on my mind is how much longer until Christmas gets here.

Because I want to run away from the cold, to bask in the tropical sun.